


Your monologuing means nothing

by MrSerus



Series: Slaughterhouse & Co [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Immortality, Philosophy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:21:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27718106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrSerus/pseuds/MrSerus
Summary: Michael gets annoyed by the number of villains/BBEGs with the same boring plot to become immortal.
Series: Slaughterhouse & Co [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1570132





	Your monologuing means nothing

"What do you think happens when you become immortal?"  
Everyone in the hall stopped, looking at the one posing the question with confusion. Which, he supposed, was fair given the almost playful tone in which he asked the question despite the severity of the situation. Millions of lives at stake and all that tended to make everyone involved serious. Oh wait, the villain is monologuing, maybe he should pay some attention?  
"And then, once your pitiful resistance is but ash, I will conquer the world! The galaxy! The-" never mind, he was actively losing brain cells listening to this.  
"What happens," he paused, making sure everyone is listening "is this. Say you somehow succeed. Say you conquer and rule everything. Suppose no one manages to find some way to defeat you throughout all of time. What do you do when nothing is left?" He could change to a more serious tone, but he's already spent so much effort to not just laugh. His comrades might stop looking at him like he's lost his mind though. Decisions, decisions... Oh the big bad is talking again.  
"What are you talking about, worm? My empire would-" so little thought was put into this Ultimate Plan. "Become nothing. Seriously, you made a weapon you call the Entropy Beam cannon, yet you never thought about what immortality means? How this is nothing more than a guaranteed front row seat to the Annihilation of everything? At least tell me you're planning on attaching your soul to some object that will allow you to eventually pass on instead of anchoring it to some concept, or extraplanar force."  
The silence was very telling. He debated whether he should finally give up and start laughing, or if a facepalm would be more effective. His friend elbowing him in the side along with the whispered "what are you doing?" and "why are you giving him ideas?" made the choice harder, as now he had more reason for each side. Obviously, a compromise was needed, so he settled on pinching the bridge of his nose while shaking his head. It's so hard to take these kinds of people seriously, they never think further ahead than 'I want it so it's mine'. He decided the situation warranted a long heavy sigh, and so he obliged, making it last several seconds longer than probably needed. He would get a headache if he had to explain exactly why this plan was one of the dumbest he'd heard, and his medication was back at the hidden base. Deciding he'd spent long enough on this, he drew the fun laser pistol he'd been given and fired at the most volatile looking part of the immortality machine, or whatever Edgey McEvil had called it. While confronting the idiot after a few hundred millennia and saying"I told you so" would be entertaining, he wanted his little group of friends to be happy. He liked this little found family, they were so kind to each other, even with the constant bickering and overprotectiveness.  
He then noticed that the building probably wasn't built very secure, as multiple explosions rang out. Possibly a previously foiled assassination attempt? Either way, a rather important looking chunk of the ceiling had just collapsed on the villain, so his job was done. His friends were running for the exit, so he should probably head after them.  
If he had to deal with another immortality seeking bad guy in future timelines, he was just going to shoot them. Much less of a headache that way. Entertaining as humans are, he really disliked so many repetitions. Being a hero, or a resistance member was fine, but dealing with so many villains with the exact same scheme got so boring. Maybe he'd be a shadow leader next time just to keep those kinds of idiots out of power.


End file.
